The first signs of a toddler infestation

Jan 30 2013 Published by under [Et Al], [Life Trajectories]

Toddlers. They can wreak havoc of your house. Once they get established, eradication is virtually impossible and only time can diminish their effects.

The Weer One has officially reached that age where she has found the sublime joy in just fucking shit up. Books on a shelf? They are way more hilarious on the floor! Why are all these toys in this basket when the toys are more fun scattered about and the basket is the best hat EVAH! It's great that my sister likes to organize things so that I can come by and reset this game of Chaos!

Exhibit A: The best toy in the house.

It's basically like living with a post-midnight fed gremlin who has the vocabulary of an Ewok and the volume of a screeching eagle. The minute you make it clear that something is out of bounds, every waking minute of their lives is dedicated to the conquest of that object while alerting you to their success. Silence followed by shrill maniacal laughter is always the first clue that they have succeeded while your back was turned for that instant.

"Child proofing"? Who are you kidding? It's just upping the challenge and the reward. Sure, you can try and watch them all the time, but like a prisoner, they have all the time in the world and nothing to lose. You're better off trying to win a staring contest with a fish.

And so we wait it out and try not to break an ankle on a book, spoon or pony on the floor.

4 responses so far

  • Alyssa says:

    I literally LOL'd at the picture, because that's a common occurrence in our house right now. So right there with you!

  • DrLizzyMoore says:

    It's amazing how they perfectly time the implementation of chaos for that one split second that your back is turned. Because really, that playing nicely for those gazillion seconds before your back was turned--ALL FOR SHOW!!!

  • proflikesubstance says:

    Lull you into a false sense of security until you drop your guard. Works every time.

  • Paul says:

    toddlers + legos = awesome security system. the screaming wakes you every time.

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