Things you (hopefully) only say as a parent

Jul 02 2012 Published by under [Et Al]

Two kids, one hot weekend:

"If you keep trying to bite the cat, you're gonna get hurt."

"Please don't let her eat another crayon."

"See? Sand tastes yucky. I tried to tell you."

"Please don't sit on the couch naked, go get some clothes."

"I'm sorry, I don't speak whinese. When you can get ahold of yourself we can talk."

"It's not nice to fart on someone while they are reading to you."

"Did you really think it would be a good idea to put a box over your sister? Really?"

"When this kid starts walking it's gonna go all Lord of the Flies in here."

"Why does her head smell like a sourdough starter?"

"This child is like a magnet for danger. I'm convinced she would crawl right into a wood chipper without a second thought."

"We need to start covering the dinning room like one of Dexter's murder rooms before each meal. The clean up is roughly the same."

"Once you put sunscreen on her we'll never be able to grab her. It'll be like the greased pig at the country fair."

"Is it too early for a beer?"

13 responses so far

  • pyrope says:

    Re: Is it too early for a beer?

    Never! Stay cool 🙂

  • Sxydocma1 says:

    Hahahaha! It's so funny the things one says as a parent. I find myself asking, "Are you wearing underwear? Are you sure?"

    My grandfather's rule was that it was okay to start drinking beer after 11am.

  • odyssey says:

    As far as beer goes, my rule is that it needs to be after 5pm.


  • becca says:

    Oh, I don't know. I remember the last two from my pre-parenting days. They just meant something rather different.

  • Pascale says:

    Yeah, my son decided he liked going commando when he was 5. I never imagined having to do underwear checks before leaving the house, but there I was.

  • proflikesubstance says:

    It seems to be all or nothing with ours. She either wants to dress like a princess or be naked.

  • Julian Frost says:

    Re item 7: it was my sister's birthday a few weeks ago so our parents and I go with her and her family to a fish restaurant. Niece and nephew want to see the fishtanks in the front, so we take them. I'm holding him up to get a better look when I feel a vibration on my arm and he grins at me.
    Yes, he did fart on my arm.

  • Isabel says:

    It's shocking and irresponsible that all these alcoholics are getting plastered while caring for children.

    The only solution is to make alcohol illegal, arrest the users and put their kids into foster care.

    We should also teach children to recognize the signs of alcohol use so they can report this degenerate activity to the proper authorities.

  • proflikesubstance says:

    Isabel, you realize you're at the wrong blog for trying to get a "which substances are legal/stigmatized" rise out of people, right?

  • Isabel says:

    My sarcastic comment had nothing to do with legalisation issues. I guess it was too subtle. I was imitating the way everybody (including around here) refers to people who use cannabis, however casually. Automatically they are considered "potheads" and "stoners" and anti-social drug users. People use so they can get "stoned" or "wasted". So from now on I refer to ethanol enthusiasts in the same ridiculous way.

    Seriously, how would your comment have gone over if you mentioned time to smoke a bowl? yet it may have had positive results.

  • Isabel says:

    "you're at the wrong blog for trying to get a ...rise out of people"
    This reference to Drugmonkey's blog is revealing, referring to ME as the troll, seeing as *DM* has admitted many times his #1 goal is to FWDAOTI with his anti-legalization posts. Meanwhile in my responses I am making a sincere point about an urgent situation, taking the opportunity to use a popular, NIDA associated blog as a soapbox (not a bad strategy, you must admit).

    Rather than get a rise out of people, I'm trying to lower my own blood pressure. It pisses me off that these hypocrites don't seem to care how their work is being used to lend scientific support to the terrible abuses of prohibition. At the very least they could make an occasional public plea for a medical, rather than a police state approach to drug related problems.

    Amidst the passion, I inject a little humor and hyperbole in my posts, for the readers' entertainment and to amuse myself, hence the sexist "nutjob" label. Again, too subtle I guess. 🙂

  • Isabel says:

    "the way everybody (including around here) refers to people who use cannabis"

    To be clear, not referring to your blog specifically but definitely more than one Scientopia bloggers/ex-bloggers/prolific commenters. I can't figure out if this is simply because of ignorance however. No one else ever speaks up to clear the air. Can it really be that no one around here smokes weed or knows any normal, responsible, often very successful people who consume it regularly but moderately? Do they really believe the propaganda and know or have only heard of stereoptyped 1970's style "pothead" users?? Is this desirable in a group responsible for research in the field?? It's the opposite of law enforcement, where there is a greater likelihood of having used and especially of having dealt cannabis.

    Okay, no more posts. 🙂

  • proflikesubstance says:

    Meh, I'm just not that into research on people or what they do at home.

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