Guacamole (Non-Applebee's version) #dinnerdare

Mar 13 2012 Published by under [Et Al]

One of my favorite accompaniments to any meal is guacamole, which is a dish that needs to be made a couple hours before you eat it (to let the flavors meld), but not much more than that. It's come to my attention that some people cook with the imagination of a fast food line chef and need an ingredient list and step by step directions detailed enough to show up in an undergraduate thesis. That's cool, not everyone has cooking chops, but can fake it with enough details.

I've done some post hoc measuring of ingredients to provide more precision. You will need the following:


3 Ripe avocados
1/4 cp chopped onion
1/4 cp coarsely chopped cilantro
1/2 cp chopper red pepper
1 lrg clove of garlic
1 lime
Salt to taste (I know. Hard!)
Pepper to taste
Ground chipotle pepper to taste

Combine the chopped onion and the juice of half the lime in a mortar.


Grind up the onion, leaving the onion slightly chunky. Add the garlic clove, minced. Leave the mixture to sit while you do the next steps as the acidity of the lime will soften the onion in texture and taste.


Slice the avocados and place the flesh in a bowl. Mash with a fork, but leave chunks.


Next, wash and chop the cilantro. If you don't have fresh cilantro I would suggest waiting to make this until you do. Cilantro makes all the difference.


Add the cilantro to the mashed avacado, then add the lime/onion/garlic mixture.


Add the rest of the lime juice directly to the bowl and mix it all together.


Chop the red pepper and add it to the bowl.


Finally, add salt, pepper and ground chipotle to taste. I tend to go light on the salt and heavier on the two peppers, but cooking is all about making a recipe work for your tastes.


It's best if you chill the guacamole for a couple hours, covered, in the fridge. The lime will keep it from discoloring in that time frame and the flavors will mix better.

Eat with a chip or add to your favorite food.


21 responses so far

  • Odyssey says:

    What's the beer?

  • proflikesubstance says:

    Ithaca Brewing Flower Power IPA. Has been my favorite for almost a year.

  • Odyssey says:

    Alas can't get that here. But I do applaud the choice of an IPA to pair with the guac. Southern Tier 2XIPA would also work.

  • Lab Rockstar says:

    "need an ingredient list and step by step directions detailed enough to show up in an undergraduate thesis." PAH HA HA HA....

  • Patchi says:

    We make this a lot, paired with fresh-pressed tortillas. We use tomatoes instead of red peppers. Basically we make a chopped salsa and then mix some into mashed avocados. Works great for parties!

    I should try your lime trick with the onions... we started grating them so the kids would stop complaining. They don't seem to need contaminants removed if they can't see them.

  • Zach says:

    I miss being able to get Flower Power (or Southern Tier for that matter)! A decent sub in a pinch is Lagunitas Maximus. But really, it'd be better if IBC just started shipping to Chicago.

  • [...] A number of people in the Twitterverse have decided to participate in a little challenge with the hashtag #dinnerdare. They're basically trying to out cook one another. Some of the participants are listed in ProfLikeSubstance's post on the challenge. ProfLike and Isis, the reigning blog cook-off champ, have been engaging in some friendly banter that has resulted in ProfLike firing the first shot with a guacamole recipe. [...]

  • proflikesubstance says:

    I should try your lime trick with the onions... we started grating them so the kids would stop complaining. They don't seem to need contaminants removed if they can't see them.

    The lime really helps take the zing out of the onion pieces without losing the flavor to the whole dish. You could grind them more if the kids are bothered by them.

  • proflikesubstance says:

    Zach, I like the Lagunitas Maximus, but sometimes a beer with that much kick (I think it's in the 8% range) is just not what I need. As much as I enjoy the extra hoppiness that comes with a lot of the doubles, I'm not looking for the extra alcohol that tends to follow.

  • PinkGlitteryBrain says:

    The best guacamole is made with a beer in hand. The better the beer, the better the guac. That must be some amazing guacamole. I actually had friends trade a bottle of Pliny the Elder for a Flower Power

  • Dude, you know that all the measurements and shitte in published recipes are either (1) total bullshitte made uppe days later trying to remember how much of each shitte you threw in there (if you are writing your own recipes) or (2) total bullshitte made uppe days or months later by some shittebagge "food consultant" motherfucken chef wannabe paid to figure out what a real chef probably did, right???

  • DrugMonkey says:

    When do you find the time to get a manicure?

  • CoR says:

    I'll second the manicure and raise you some artfully arranged avocados.

  • proflikesubstance says:

    CPP, then my methods are publishable!

    DM and CoR, when you're going up against Isis, you have to pull out all the stops.

  • [...] ProfLikeSubstance's Guacamole: Not a dinner of course, but a damn good appetizer. PlS has a bottle of Ithaca Brewing Flower Power IPA in the pictures. A bitter IPA is a great choice to set off the creamy avocado and complement the added lime juice. I've not had the Flower Power, but would suggest a citrusy IPA like Sierra Nevada's Hoptimum or Soutthern Tier's 2XIPA. The latter is a double IPA, so extra hoppy, but doesn't lose that citrus background. [...]

  • Comrade PhysioProf says:

    And btw, guacamole does not have motherfucken bell peppers in it, dickeweede.

  • proflikesubstance says:

    This one does, toolbag.

  • Itte's not "guacamole"; itte's masshed shitte with red peppers.

  • Drugmonkey says:

    I'm just sayin, a real scientist couldn't moonlight as a hand model dude. ...I'll let the avocados slide though....a good chef treats his avocados right.

    And yeah, recipes are for half stoned line chefs at Olive Garden.

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