Although I am in the field this week I haven't been able to sequester myself from US political news. But perhaps this is a good thing this week as Newt Gingrich gave me a great idea. Rather than working hard to stay at the forefront of my field, I'm simply going to ask my colleagues to drop the work they are doing and send me their data, just like Newt has asked competitors to drop out of the race and back his candidacy. I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. So here it goes.
I know you have worked hard to get where you are and that many of you have large amounts of unpublished data in your labs that you are writing up. I urge you all to stop working on your science and to stop trying to publish. Instead, just send your data to me and my group will analyze it and publish it ourselves. We're all trying to advance science, right? Well, the best way to do that is probably just centralize all the data in my lab. I'll take care of the data and submit manuscripts and proposals so that you don't have to. It would also be great if you could go to conferences and tell everyone how awesome I am. Yeah, you'll need to pay your way too. I really think this is the best way forward, but it's your call to make. But if you love science, it would be selfish to keep doing your own thing. You owe it to science to just send me your data.
Thank you in advance,