Job requirements: Must be able to produce the appearance of being in two places at one time, while being in neither. Must be able to disappear in a cloud of smoke at the utterance of "who can we count on to get this done?" or "we'll need volunteers to make this work." Preferable skills include the ability to appear to sign up for tasks like "Welcome Day" while actually assigning said task to those who haven't volunteered in 20 years.
All letters of reference must be delivered by messengers who drop dead immediately after their delivery is complete.
In an unrelated job posting, a messenger body removal person is also required.